Nadi Moss on Sobriety, Purpose & Peace

Ben BeeriWhat's up, everyone? Welcome to the Authentic Journey podcast. I'm excited to introduce our guest for today,

Nadi MossNadi Moss. Hello. Hello, Ben. What's up, Nadi? Everything is good. Thank you for having me here. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Ben BeeriI know you've been sharing with me a lot lately about working and staying on your sobriety journey. How's that going for you?

Nadi MossThat's going amazing. It's going very excited. You know, as as you know about my journey, it's was a year when I'm completely sober, and I noticed so many beautiful changes about myself and that has inspired me actually to write the book even, know, to help other people to show them that you know, it's not only one way how they can live their life and that the emotional sobriety, it's another choice of living, you know, how how it's possible to live. Yeah. And what are some of the greatest changes you've been able to make? Oh, first of all, I look much better.

And but to be honest, to be serious, it's it's about mental health, you know, like my mood becomes much more stabilized, much more better, I stop overthinking, I stop paranoid and make new friends in such a different level, you know. It's not about the quantity right now, it's about the quality. Maybe you want to have less friends than before in my night party lifestyle scene, know, but now it's such a beautiful I mean, at that time also was a beautiful soul, don't get me wrong, but now it's people who inspire me to become even better, to grow and to create something really meaningful.

Know, like right now we're doing the podcast with you, you know, and it's if someone gonna tell me a year ago that I will participate on the podcast and will share about my sober journey, will just say, oh, about what are you talking about? Like, no, I couldn't see myself at this point, you know. Just And sobriety showed me how many beautiful layers inside me and it's opening, continue to open every day, every week. And I was so mesmerized and surprised like wow, beautiful things inside me and I would love to show it to other people because we live in Los Angeles where drugs are just everywhere, you know, alcohol and it's just like easy to get and I know how many people struggle with that.

They wish they could stop it, but at the same time there is only way for exist, you know, to numb themselves, because they struggle, they have so many challenges and it's just easier to numb themselves. I was at the same position, but then I went through a lot of transformations, through a lot of changes and that's why I feel like it's my mission right now to share this with other people, with the world. And I hope it could inspire even one person. That will be amazing.

Ben BeeriIt will be amazing. Yeah. What do you feel like you use you would use alcohol for, like, to numb? Sorry again? Like, what would alcohol be numbing? Like, give you alcohol as something to So me and alcohol,

Nadi Mossit's I would say I don't drink for nine years. So it's a little bit hard for me to tell you right now, but I would say when I did drink alcohol, you know, when I did that, but I was much younger, you know, I was like 25, 26, and I would say it was like just a lifestyle, but again then I did so many uncontrolled things, like wrote some texts which I maybe not supposed to, to people that I don't need to And just it was fun, but at the same time, you know, all these hangovers. So when I talk about sobriety, it's more about the substances, you know, like it's more about it's not more, it's about drugs, you know. So I would say it's more serious maybe, you know. So me and alcohol, it was a long story ago, like nine years ago. Yeah. And your story kind of and drugs is more recent for you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My story with drugs is very recent story. And it just happened when I moved here to United States nine years ago.

It just happened, you know, I got to this nice party scene environment and then I became a very famous event producer for big events and everything, all of this stuff, substances were around. But again, it was my choice. I have friends who were in this environment and they didn't do drugs, you know, this is always a choice. But my choice was like I feel great, I can control myself and everything and it's not a problem, this is my choice and I can handle it. And you know, it was a very glamorous fun life at that time, I don't regret this. I'm happy that I had this in my late 20s early 30s.

Now I'm 36 and my decision to become sober when I was 35, so I'm glad that I went through that experience, I know how was it, and now I have another purpose in my life. But for the last six months, and I wrote about this in my book, that for the last six months I started numbing myself every day. I started doing drugs every day and not because of the fun, but because of not very good life. And I just wanted really to numb myself. I didn't want to feel anything, but actually it's become worse and worse.

Know, I stopped paranoid, I start to be very angry to people, I was in this victim mode, you know, like this is all their fault, I'm great. Even my close friends she started asking me like when the last time did you do drugs? I'm like two days ago, but it's not a problem. And she said maybe you need to think to stop doing that. And I said: No, I'm fine, I'm fine. You know, I got to that point when I thought everything is fine, but actually everything starts to fall apart. And then if you're gonna ask me how I make this decision, I don't know, but I guess just because I just stop respecting myself.

And respect for me is one of the most important thing, you know. You don't need to be rich, but you can be a good person, can do good things and I will respect you for that. So me, myself, I was not already successful in my career, I didn't look good, I didn't have any healthy routine, you know, like I just slept as much as I want, like I didn't do any sports, just like a living like I didn't have any future, I didn't know what to do and then I just decided okay I can't do this anymore and just magically happened that I started doing my journey. To be honest, I thought it's just gonna be a break for one month and then I'm just gonna make it less.

But one month, then another week, then another week, and then I'm like: Oh, actually I like it. I like how I feel. I feel so good. And again, that's about my book Emotional Sobriety. You know, to quit the drugs it was the easiest part. The most difficult part is to stay. That's why my book called Staying because it's about the staying with yourself, with real you, with your feelings, with your doubts, with with with all your thoughts, which sometimes tell you you're not good enough, back to your lifestyle, that's much more fun, you're not fun right now, why are you doing that?

So I I went through this through the whole or during the whole year, and that's about what I would like to share with the world. What do you feel like was a moment for you

Ben Beerithat was a real inflection point in you deciding, hey, I need to get sober. I need to choose me. Right.

Nadi MossI remember this moment. So I went to one of the places where I usually went on Friday night. It was very artistic place, people hanging out there, and I was sitting in the corner of the couch and people who were a little bit far from me they were talking about something, were laughing and I was pretty much confident they were talking about me and like they're laughing about me and then I started to, you know, paranoid, like I had a really huge paranoia about that, oh these people talking about me, they don't like me, like I'm gonna just go right now and ask them what's going on.

Again this passive and I already of course wasn't Coke, it's Friday night, like why not? And I just came over to them, I'm like hey guys are you talking about me? And like, what? Like, no, we're talking about this and that. I'm like, no, no, I know you're talking about me. Like, it was horrible. I put myself in such a bad position. I look so miserable and they told me: Nadi, stop doing drugs! It's not about drugs, it was crazy. And that moment I felt like they are bullshitting, you know, like I'm right, they are wrong.

It was like a huge scandal and I knew that people and they said Nadi you just you just crazy, you just need to stop doing drugs and I said don't tell me what to do, like I'm fine. And then I had some kind of these situations few more times and then again as I told you I lost my career, I lost my money and I didn't know what is the next. So in some point, again magically I realized that okay I can't do this anymore and just somehow pop up in my Instagram right before Christmas all these vision boards, you know, like people do put these pictures how they see their life in next year And I always was thinking: Ah, it's like bullshit.

It's too girly. It's not for me. I'm a strong Russian woman. I don't need to do that. But I was so lost. Hey, Sure, let's do it! Why not? And I took it very serious, I guess because I was so lost and I didn't have any hope. By the way, my full name Nadezhda means hope in Russian, in English and hope. And I'm like, okay, there is no more hope, let me just do whatever I can. And it took for me a week, almost like ten days to create my vision board. And I just imagined how I would like to see my life in the next year. You know, I put friends with girls, beautiful body, successful career as a photographer.

I even put myself on the stage when I speak on microphone. I even didn't know about what I'm going to talk, but I just imagined that I'm gonna tell something about something interesting to people and like healthy relationships, and a lot of another beautiful stuff. And then I look at this vision board and I'm like, okay, does it align with my lifestyle which I have right now? Sleepless nights, drugs again, like all these useless, not very meaningful conversations. And I'm like, no, it's not a line, like, at all.

And to be honest, I know maybe it sounds very silly, but this vision board was one of the first start point when I realized, okay, let me make a break from drugs, let me start to try to be sober. And since January first twenty twenty fifth I started my sober journey. And as I told you before, after a month I thought okay, let me do it longer. I kind of like it. But the lifestyle completely changed, you know, I lost everyone that I had for eight years. But I would say I didn't lose them, I just cutted myself from them.

It was very intentional decision. I wanted to make it happen. Because, you know, when you want to change yourself it means you're going to say a lot of goodbyes. And that's the reality. And a lot of people, they're not ready for that. That's why it's so hard for them to quit their addictions, alcohol, drugs or any others, because you're going to change the whole life. It's the package. You can go to the gym every day and then the weekend do drugs. It's every day. It's like a muscle. You work on your muscle.

You want to make a muscle in your body. It's the same. You do emotional muscle, know, mental muscle. So it's the whole package. And I did that. I I changed the whole package.

Ben BeeriSo what does Nadi's vision board look like now? Actually,

Nadi Mossright now I didn't make it for this new year, I just didn't have a time, but that's my plan to actually make it this week. But I can tell you briefly, still see myself as a motivational public speaker, I see myself on the stage, but right now not because I do it from my ego to get the instant gratification, but because from my soul, because I feel like I went through a lot. I'm still going through a lot, you know, we're all human beings. Yeah, but I went already through a lot and I did so many changes.

And I feel like that's my mission. There are no other things to do for me, you know. I like to do my photography, I like to curate and produce events, but I feel like I can help people. So this is one of the things that I see on my vision board to be in the stage and talk in the big audience and help people, inspire them, show how many beautiful layers they have. And also create the podcast, my own podcast, invite people, the guests who can share their own stories. And I would say travel, but travel intentionally.

Again, I would like to travel and give these public motivational talks, you know, like all over the world. And I can see it. Also, it's about the visualization, you know, like if you can imagine that, that means that it's possible. You just need to put some effort also. You can't just sit and manifest it. You just need to do some actions. And I would love to have more new friends, I would say, with who we can create something meaningful, know, a girl like maybe in a podcast, maybe some something, you know, just yeah.

And travel as I said and I don't have so much desires right now. I would say I'm very satisfied about everything what's going on right now really. As you see before like all these private jets, parties, instant gratification, attention I really just want to make sure that I do everything from my soul, not from my ego. This is my main question. That's why I'm asking myself every day: Are you acting from your ego or from your soul? Are you looking for instant gratification or you just do it because you really want to do it? I'm parenting myself almost every day. That's what Kabbalah teach me to do. And I think you know about that.

Ben BeeriThat's awesome. Yeah. Thank you. That's amazing. And what was it like for that whole, like, night party life and producing events? Yeah.

Nadi MossAt that time, I thought it's amazing life. I thought that's how I would like to live all my life till the end of my days. Know, I travel all over the world. Had I knew the all famous DJs. I have always I was always on the guest list, private jets, you know, like all this luxury, glamorous, beautiful life. I made good money, you know, always had like up to thousand people in my events, then I started doing up scale, more intimate events, but still it was people know me and I would say, you know, I was thinking that it's the best time in my life because a lot of people knew me, they told me how grateful they are, but right now when I start to be sober and I start studying the Kabbalah, I start learning about the ego, and I realized how much ego I had at that moment when I wasn't a web producer. Because when I lost everything I felt so broken, because why are these people who was telling me how good I am? Because I was so dependent on this attention, you know, I was looking for this instant gratification,

you know, and then when I lost it, I felt so stressed, depressed and I felt anxiety. So, at that time I felt so much fun, great, And as I said, I thought I'm gonna live my life till the end of my life like that, you know, until the end of my days. Yeah, but I would say it was kind of the same, you know, parties, sleepless nights, but I was okay with that and it's just like I didn't think about another way to live, you know, I just didn't see myself. I thought it's great, it's just gonna be from Friday till Monday. Sometimes I could not sleep for forty eight hours, you know, I was just was partying a lot. And again, I met so many beautiful souls there. I'm not saying that people are bad there or worse than in another world, it's just so different, you know. And I don't judge anyone, but it's just not aligned with me anymore.

And again, what inspired me to write the book, about that people should know that there's so much more beautiful things in their life than just partying doing drugs, you know. So, yeah. What do you remember about the greatest event

Ben Beerithat you had?

Nadi MossOh, I think it was my the first one. You know, I did it with my business partner. And I, you know, I I didn't I did I don't have any education for that to create the events. Like, I was a photographer for ten years but one of my friends from San Diego, he wants to make a party in Los Angeles and he knew that I know a lot of DJs, I have a lot of connections because I was very social, I knew a lot of people and he asked me: Can you introduce me to this DJ? Oh, can you introduce me to any of the DJs who can bring a lot of people?

I'm like: Yeah, I can, but I would love to be business partners with you. So without any experience and he had an experience before. He didn't do anything big like that, but we actually were planning to make an event like maybe for two fifty people, 300 people max. And we reach out to one of the DJs, he's very famous, well known DJ in Los Angeles and so we made an agreement. We found the place, we found bartenders, we start creating the whole idea like and again without zero experience. Three days before we could see that the ticket sales don't go very well, you know, but at that point I didn't know that the ticket sales were the best at the day of the event.

And I'm like, what should we do? We're gonna lose a lot of money, but it's okay. Like, what can I do? Right? And then in the day of the event we could see that one of the top events on the website where it says which event will be on this Friday or Saturday. And so in the end we have 900 people. We were sold out and it was a Halloween party. Everyone was dressed well. It was so much fun, it was so beautiful and I remember how I felt so proud of us, of myself, that look at these 900 people, they're here, they have so much fun, they're smiling, they're dancing and this is because of us.

We created this. And this is, I guess, this was really the most memorable moment about the events, because it was my first time. And I remember in the next day I would just walk outside in the street I was with the chin up you know I was so proud I just remembered how many people it was how so much fun and then so many people texted to us: You guys amazing, you just kill it! And like: Wow, we made it! You know, so it was my first time experience. And people ask me: Are you sure it's your first event? Because how you brought all of these people here?

And I guess it's just when you do everything from your heart and from your soul, the energy just feels around. People feel it, and they I don't know. It's just magic happened. Yeah. That that was a big success.

Ben BeeriYeah. That's awesome. Mhmm. Where did you want to take it from there? Like, what were you wanting to do next after that event? Oh, so we did another few events, and we continue. We did it

Nadi Mossfor before the New Year's. Then we did it on the Valentine's Day. It was also so many people, it was a great production. My business partner he was a very creative person and he was, I would say, he lead this part. I was more like social, talk with everyone, like DJs, promoters, like staff. And he did the creative part. He brought some actors. We did some immersive experience. So it was not just like a dance party, you know. It was also immersive experience. People who didn't want to dance, they can go to some rooms and had some immersive experience.

But then COVID happened, then COVID happened, but then me and my two best friends at that time we created another brand and we did beautiful gatherings in the desert during the COVID time. It was kind of real underground desert parties and it was a very beautiful time and like two fifty people and 400 people in the desert and we brought international DJs and it was a beautiful time because you know so many people were so depressed during the COVID time because we were not allowed to go out, hanging out with friends and this was our free space. We even call it to be free.

So everyone could be free to dance, to hang out with people, to meet new friends. And I know a lot of people actually from our events. Now they are couples, now they have kids, get married, so it was a very beautiful and we did it for a year. We did it for the year, we did like a mini festival for two days, two nights. It was very beautiful and we were thinking to grow and make it more and more. And then I started doing more upscale private events in the beautiful mansions in Bel Air, Beverly Hills, Hollywood Hills for like 200 people. It was also very beautiful interesting experience, know, and I would say another kind of

Ben Beericircle of people, you know, but, yeah, it was very beautiful. It was a beautiful, fun time. Mhmm. And who were you at this time? And what effect did that have on you and your ego and how you carried yourself? Who I were at that time? At that time.

Nadi MossRight now, I can see who I were. I was I was a person with a lot of insecurities, with a lot of with such a big ego who need this instant gratification, who needed this approval from other people. You know, I thought: Oh, I'm such a beautiful soul, I'm making people so happy. And I did. I did, but I had my agenda, I just again, I just realized it now, you know, at that time I really didn't think like I'm so selfish, you know, I thought this is who I am. But right now I understand that I was so depend on that people will come over to me, say how grateful they are and also of course I felt like I'm famous, people know me and like I just I have this opinion about myself that I'm so cool, you know, I'm so cool and I made such a big meaning about myself, you know, like if compared for right now it's two different persons, know, such a different personality who I am right now. But yeah, at that time I had so much ego. It was so important for me to get this good response, to get the good feedback

and just to to make sure that I'm the best, you know? Yeah. What was the experience like

Ben Beeriat these events for you?

Nadi MossLike, what do you mean?

Ben BeeriLike, being at these events. Like, you're coordinating them. People are there Yeah. I to see you. They're there you're hosting. Yeah. And everybody's around whether they're dancing or partying or getting together. What what are you thinking while all this is going on? I felt very happy for sure.

Nadi MossStill, even I had so much ego. But for me, it was the most big biggest priority that my guests they have a fun, have a great time. That's why people saying that I'm a great host because I really like to host people. You know it even like now I'm doing another events like cabal hosting people, I love to serve them, know, I love to make sure that they really feel comfortable, they have a great time. And this was still my priority number one. But at the same time I feel very powerful. I feel that power, you know, that like again that people know me, people come over to me, they want to be friends with me, you know, but now again I'm asking myself Did they want to be friends with me because they really like my personality or just because they felt that power and they want to be around this power?

Because I know I'm not very easy person, I was not very easy person, maybe now I'm better, but you know. Now I have a lot I don't have questions, but if you think about it, I don't know if people really were sincere, you know. But I felt so much fun, I was so happy for people that they had fun, but at the same time I had so many insecurities, you know, like I felt that am I good enough? And I felt do they are they gonna like me later? You know, like, because for me it was so important to have this attention. So I was I was addicted to that, you know. So I was looking for this instant gratification all the time. Yeah. Where do you feel like the need for that attention and instant gratification came from?

The need? Yeah. From where it from where it came? I would say maybe from even my childhood. I don't know. Because you know a lot of things comes from the childhood and since I was seven years old I would say I was was like a little water naughty, know, I was fighting for my life. Like I lost my mom when I was seven years old and I was grow up with my dad. He's a very strong and powerful man and I love him so much. And I guess I got so many good qualities from him, but still I would say always during all my life I would say I was fighting, I was Yeah, I was fighting that people will see me, you know.

Usually it happens and a lot of people I know they respect me for what I'm doing, which I like, you know. I would prefer to be more a person who respect me than just they like me how I look. Yeah, I think a lot of insecurities comes from your childhood. But we need to ask my psychologist about that.

Ben BeeriSo what was it like for you growing up? You said you lost your mom at seven years old. Yeah. What did the next few years look like for you after that?

Nadi MossOh, you know, was seven years old and when you're in this age, I would say it's easier, I guess, to go through that because I don't remember her at all. She passed away when I was seven years old and it's easy to say I didn't have a mom. I don't know what it is to have a mom and it is what it is. So in the next years they were just really like I even didn't know that I had a mom, I would say, you know, like I didn't have this Oh, I miss my mommy, when can I see her? I didn't have that. I just accepted I don't have my mom anymore and now I have my dad.

I have my nanny for a year and then my dad met another woman, she became my stepmother. But dad took care about me. I was in a good school, I had everything in my childhood and he had a lot of good conversations with me about life since I was seven years old. It was not just like a talk with a child. We talk about life, know, we talk about some topics. Yeah. And, yeah, so I would say it's just, this is the moment when I become an adult, I would say, seven years old. Yeah.

Ben BeeriAnd going through that, the process of becoming an adult, going through your teenage years, what do you remember wanting to do or striving for? Like, who was Nadi going to be when she's an adult in your eyes at that time? I want to be a journalist.

Nadi MossOkay. And when I was a child, actually, I wrote so many, like, short essays, you know, like books, and I remember how I printed them at home and brought them to my classmates. I just give them the printing copy and they were so sad because I think it was based that my mom she passed away. Again that's funny. I just remember about that because again I just wrote my book and I really had such a big passion to write the stories and even like some posts in my social media. And that's actually what I was dreaming of, you know, when I was a child. I want to be a journalist.

But my dad, he told me that I'm from Russia. And he said that in Russia it's not very respectful job. He wanted me to be a lawyer and he had some connections and he said, go to law school, you're going to get the education and everything will be happened in a good way. I will take care about you. So I finished the law school, but I'll never be in a lawyer even for a second. Yeah. And but, yeah, this was one of my biggest dream that I want to be a journalist. I want to write the stories.

Ben BeeriYeah. What do you remember about law school?

Nadi MossAbout law school? What about the law school? I didn't I mean, I how to say it? I I didn't like it, I would say. You know? I didn't like to be to be in school. I was more a street smart person. But I was in the law school in Russia. President finished this law school. I was surrounded by very rich kids, when I was 18 years old I was driving G Wagon, my dad's G Wagon, you know, it was a cool environment, again, with some of maybe two people I'm in touch, you know, but I lost connection with all of them and I was always by my own.

Was a kid who always don't need a company, you know, always. That's why I guess I still feel very confident I can spend a lot of time with myself. And it's not because I don't have friends. I have a lot of beautiful people around me. And when I feel like I would like to hang out with someone, reach them out. But mostly I really spend time with myself. I feel I can go to the dinner by myself. And back to the university, really I have actually some love story with our teacher, and he broke my heart completely.

Guess I can say it after twenty years, even like it was not legal at that time, you know, but it's more illegal for him than for me, you know. But yeah, we have some kind of love story with this teacher and then he broke my heart and really was so unhappy, I would say, in this moment. So yeah. But I really I just finished it. I finished this law school, and then I moved to Moscow, really. And I I never spent any any second to be a lawyer. Yeah.

Ben BeeriAnd when did you what was the path like to decide that you wanted to come to The United States?

Nadi MossThe path I just came here as tourist, you know, and I was a photographer at that time and didn't plan to stay here, I would say. But then the life just started bringing me beautiful people, beautiful stories and I started thinking okay let me stay a little bit longer. Even when I left Moscow I didn't say I just said to my friends okay bye, I have a flight tomorrow, see you in two weeks. My clothes was in my apartment like I was planning to come back yeah and then just I would say again magic happened as always in my life and long story short I just realized that I want to stay here And I stay here, and I'm already a citizen for the last two years, which I'm proud of.

I think it's one of my best decision to be here.

Ben BeeriYeah. What was the process like of becoming a citizen?

Nadi MossIt was interesting. I would say I'm lucky. And I would say it's some private stuff. I would not like to share about that, but I was in again in the short version I was very lucky. I got it like in five years I was already not not in five, I would say in six, seven years I already got my citizenship, you know. Like I know a lot of people they're waiting for just ten years to get the interview. So just every and again,

Ben Beerilucky me. You know? Yeah. What did your dad think when you wanted to stay out here in The US?

Nadi MossMy dad, I actually didn't ask him what he think. He just saw me that I'm happy. And he said, you happy? I'm happy. This is your choice. But he missed for me. You know? We didn't see each other for nine years. And I would love to see him, but because of the situation between Russia and The United States is not very healthy, it's just not very safe for me to go back to my hometown. But that's the plan. I would like to go in the end of May. It's my dad's birthday in June and it's one of the most beautiful time in Saint Petersburg where I was born. We have white nights and it's a romantic time, so I wish I can go, but let's see. Let's see. I always do things based on my intuition, not everything of course, like logically of course and practical, but also how I feel. If I would feel it's safe, I would go.

Yeah. It's just like so many obstacles why it can be problem. Even I was born there, even I'm United States citizen, like, it's just so many obstacles.

Ben BeeriAnd when you first got here to The US,

Nadi Mosswhat was the plan? What did you want to do? So the first time when I got to United States, it was when I was 21. So when I decided to stay here, I was 27. So what's the question about the first time when I decided to stay here, first time when I came to United States? What do you want to ask? What do you want to know? Because the first time I got here when I was 21. So what what is the question?

Ben BeeriWell, first time when you got here when you were 21, what was that like? Oh, I thought like I'm in the movie.

Nadi MossYeah. I went to New York for the Christmas, and I I felt like I'm in the movie and home alone, I would say, you know. And it feels so big, huge, like But I never thought to stay, to live here, because it feels no, I even didn't think about it, but then when even I was thinking about it, I was thinking no, it's not so easy, it's very hard, like it's not possible basically I thought, you know, it was my like my statement in my head, like no, it's not possible, I'm just gonna come over as a tourist here. But I had such a good time and then I came to New York again in the next year, again for the Christmas time, it was like a tradition.

Then I came to Los Angeles in the next year and I remember it was so funny, said Los Angeles is such a big village and never will come here again. New York is my more my vibes, my energy, like big city life, know. But here you are. I live in Los Angeles and I love it. It's my home. I love New York, but I guess not for living. Yeah. Los Angeles is my home. And

Ben Beeriwhen did you first feel like this can be home?

Nadi MossWhen I get my green card. I feel safe, I feel good. No, really, I would say, let's say like that. I'm very lucky person on having such beautiful people around me. And you know, when I decided to stay here in Los Angeles someone told me: wait for three years. After three years you will decide for sure if it's your place. Because in three years so many things happening and it's true. After three years I started doing events and I just felt like wow, this is my home, this is my place, I feel so safe here, even I didn't have a green card at that time, you know, but I felt like at home. Yeah. But again, green card make a big difference. Like, again, you feel like, yeah, you have more more legal reason to stay here. Yeah.

Ben BeeriAnd then when you started jumping into the events Mhmm. What was that like? Like what? What? When you started jumping into the events, you started feeling at home. Yeah. Started feeling more comfortable. You started doing the events. Yeah. What was that like for you? Oh,

Nadi MossI felt so confident. I feel so safe. And I I again, I feel like I'm at home. I felt like I have so many beautiful souls around me. I really met so many beautiful people at that time. Again, yes, I would not do some of these parts like doing drugs, sleepless nights, but again, it's such beautiful people there. It's just their choice how they would like to spend their time. And I felt very happy. I felt very happy and fun. But again, don't forget, I was in a different state of mind. I was younger, different state of mind. I was not very sober. Let's call it like that. Yeah. What do you think started that?

Ben BeeriWhen I think what? Started you not being very sober.

Nadi MossWhen I was when I thinking to start not to be sober?

Ben BeeriYeah. When do you think the substance

Nadi Mossproblems kind of begin? Oh, when it's It's a good question. I would say it's a good question. Let me think. I would say when I just had so much money at some point that I don't need to count them. And it's just like, you know, I can just spend as much as I want for drugs, you know, and just why not if I can, you know, and it just was unlimited, you know, and I was just surrounded by people who also can just give it to me like that. Again, I felt like I'm a rock star, you know, yeah, let me just wake up, do a bump of coke, then I will go to breakfast, to some fancy place, but actually I don't want to eat because I already do some coke, but still I'm gonna get some breakfast. You know, like it was like really interesting lifestyle.

Yeah, But the biggest problem was, I would say, for the last six months before I decided to become sober, six months I lost my money, I lost my success and I lost myself, you know, and I thought that drugs gonna make me feel inspired, they're gonna bring me some new ideas, but what it brought for me just so much paranoia, so many insecurities, so many doubts. And again, I didn't look good. I actually looked so unhealthy. And the most important part, as I said, I just stop respecting myself. And for me to respect is one of the most important things. If I don't respect myself, what's the point of leaving?

At some point I even was thinking what's the point of leaving? I didn't think so bad about the suicide, but at some point I thought maybe I need to take antidepressants, you know. But I talked with my psychiatrist and he said no, you don't need this, you just need this and that, so we are with it. But I really didn't see the purpose of my life, because I lost that success. I lost this instant gratification moments, you know, and I didn't see another way of living. But there is another living of there is another way of living. There is, but I didn't see at that moment. But I opened the door when I decided to be sober.

Ben BeeriThat's awesome. And what did it feel like when you realized you lost all that money?

Nadi MossAt that moment, I felt devastating. I felt crushed. I felt, oh, now I'm nothing. I felt like, oh, now nobody wants to be friends with me. Oh, now I don't I don't have respect. I felt so weak. All of these insecurities. I felt depressed, I felt not cool. All bad thoughts that person could have, I felt it. Yeah, and I lost my lifestyle, like I lost everything. I live in such a beautiful place, I had a nice sport car, like I have a lot of money and unlimited and then I lost everything in one moment and I felt so bad. But I'm very grateful for that because, you know, I have much more now. I have my peace and I have my sobriety.

And because if I'm never gonna have that moment, if I'm never gonna lose that, I will never will be here right now in the studio and talking with you, which I really enjoy. And I feel like it's my new mission, as I said before, also, you know, to inspire people and to show them that their life can be very different. And, you know, now I really can say that happiness is not about money. Money is good. They can give you some, you know, a lot of beautiful things. I love nice things still, you know, but your emotional sobriety, your state of mind is much more important than all of these instant gratification things, you know, all of these beautiful things. I know a lot of rich people who had so much money and if you look at them in their Instagram they look like: Oh wow! They live a best life!

Actually these people are the most people who lost. They are not so happy. They are not in the peace with themselves, you know. Not all of them, but a lot of them. And so now I don't feel any sadness about that. I'm so happy again. I'm so grateful that I had this in my life because right now I'm not gonna sell my soul, my heart, my personality for these things. Know, I have my boundaries, I have my preferences, and I have my sobriety. That's the most important thing. And which helps me to make more consciousness decisions.

Ben BeeriKnow? Yeah. It sounds like you've got yourself something that money can't buy. It sounds like you've got something that money can't buy.

Nadi MossI would say yes. Money can buy you I mean, money can buy you freedom, but peace, you know. Yeah, again, money is good. I still would love to make money, you know, like it's good. Like I would like to travel, I would like to help people, I would like to create some non profit organization and make some maybe also podcast studio, you know. And for all of this you need money to pay other people who will help you to create that, you know. But right now I don't want to have money to get these expensive clothes, to have a sport car, you know, I become much more humble. Again, thanks to Kabbalah!

That's how I met you, by the way. Yeah, Kabbalah met me. You know, there's the phrase like: All my previous desires now like it's a big joke, really. And this is so a big truth, because when I wrote down all my goals for the 2026, and then I compare with my goals which I wrote a year ago. When, to be honest, I was shocked, because I completely forgot about what I wrote down. When first of all, for 2026 it was only like 44 points, 44 things that I would like to do. And it was about I want to help people, I want to do this for people, I want this.

So, the last year it was almost 100 thoughts, the things that I would like to do, and it was all about me. I want clothes for me. I want this bag for me. I want to be famous. I want to be this. Me, me, me. It's all about me. And I was so shocked. I'm like, wow, how selfish I was. Know, I mean, again, there's nothing bad. You have your ambitions, you have your goals. But I think it was zero said about that I want to do something for others. And I'm glad that I have this on my I can see what I wrote a year ago, because I can compare and I could see how I changed. I changed a lot.

And I'm really, I would say I was so proud of myself, you know, because it's a beautiful change. Because I don't want to be like the version of me that was a year ago. It's so beautiful to help other people, you know, and to inspire them. Know, and it's beautiful to think about others than just about yourself. Because when you think about others, others will think about you. It's about the mutualism. It's about we're taking about each other. Yeah. But it it took me a time to get to this point. Yeah. But I'm glad that I'm here right now.

Ben BeeriAbsolutely. That's awesome. Thank you. What do you feel like you can do to honor the person that you were? The person that you look at today, you're like, I'm not this person anymore.

Nadi MossYeah.

Ben BeeriWhat can you do to send her love and encouragement and support?

Nadi MossThe first thing just came in my head, I would say just spread that light that I have inside me. And again, to share my journey with others. This really will make me so happy. This is really only one mission in my life right now what I can what I feel like I would like to do. And that's why I wrote the book and that's why I'm planning to make a podcast and first of all to share about my journey but then start to invite people and that where they can share their experience, their journey to help others.

This is the way how I will show myself that Nadi, I'm so proud of you and now let's spread this light, let's share this journey with others. Because I really I can feel how much pain the world handle it, know, much pain people go through. Because a lot of people actually reaching me out in Instagram and social media like Nadi, because I'm sharing about my sobriety very openly. I don't feel ashamed about that at all, because look at me right now, I look great and I'm talking right now with you in this podcast, I wrote the book. I'm not like this person who continued that lifestyle.

And again, I believe I became much more better as a person. So, and I want to show people like, hey, this is what I did before and now who I am right now. And yeah and I would love to continue to share about that and if it will help even to one person it will be amazing. And people asking me that hey thank you so much for sharing about your journey and I have these struggles, I don't know how to quit. Like wow this is so beautiful. People who I knew for eight years would never talk about that. A lot of men, girls, everyone share with me their stories.

That's why also it's inspired me to become a life coach. Right now I'm starting to be a certificate life coach. In two months I will get my certificate and I feel like already I can help people, but it's just like some new knowledges people start reaching me out and inspiring me that this is what I can do. This is how what I can continue to do in my life, you know. And as I said, this is the biggest mission right now in my life.

Ben BeeriThat's awesome. Thank you. Now that you live from the soul rather than from the ego Mhmm. How do you approach life?

Nadi MossWhat do you mean exactly? Can you ask me more specifically?

Ben BeeriYeah. Like, what is how do you go about living your life Yeah. Now that you look at things from a soul perspective Right. Rather than an ego perspective?

Nadi MossAs I said, I feel very satisfied. And I believe that, look we're very happy people, like we're healthy. Okay, let me talk about myself because you ask me about me myself. Like I'm healthy, I can talk, I can see things, I can feel it, I can write things, I have a place to live, I have a nice place to live, I have my car, I can drive wherever I want, I have all opportunities to create. This is only what I need, You know, really, as I said, all my desires that I had before, they're now like a really like a big huge joke.

Because they're not going to make me happier. What makes me happy? To express myself, to share my light with others and again to inspire other people that hey, the life can be much better. You are not alone. You're not broke. You know, like everything is possible. Know, this is really this is how Nadi, who is acting from the soul, I would say feeling right now. Yeah, like Yeah, I'm not chasing anymore all these beautiful luxury things because I had them and they didn't make me happy. You know, I love beautiful things, but if it's meant to be, I will have them. If not, so I don't need them.

Easy. I'm very easy with that right now. The most the biggest, the most important thing for me is my peace. Even not happiness. Because, you know, sometimes it's good to be not happy, because on the dark we can see the light. But the peace is the most important thing for me. So if I'm in peace, that's only what I want. That's only what I need.

Ben BeeriYou talked about traveling when you're going and doing the events, private jets Yeah. Making a ton of money. What was that like?

Nadi MossWas so much fun. It was so much fun. I mean, private jazz was just when I traveled with my friends, you know, like it was not related to the events. Yeah. Events, it was just in Los Angeles in in California. Yeah. But private jazz was with my friends. We travel. We stay in the yard, all this. Again, I'm so grateful that I had this in my life, really. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna regret any of that. I'm so happy, grateful. That's a good memory, so much fun. Yeah, that's what can I tell you? But do I miss what it? No.

I hate that. I want something new. I want something different. Know, I want to go to climb an Everest. I want to go to, I don't know, do some maybe blind retreat. I don't know, I want to do Because why I will want to do the same things? Like, I'm this kind of person. Usually I don't go to the same country where I was. So, I already went through that. And I believe we all have our own movie. And during this movie we have different roles. At that time I had that role: successful, even producer, all this luxury life, Amazing. Before that I was a photographer, immigrant, didn't have anything.

Before that I live in Russia and look at so many different roles. Right now it's the role of me who acting from the soul, who wants to inspire other people, who want to help them. So I don't miss for that at all. Yeah. And I I I'm sure that the the best things just come. Just they they they are coming. Yeah.

Ben BeeriNice. By the way by the way, the cool thing about that is you got that down there? Cool thing about that is is it's funny. Like, I ask you about that, right, that so many people's dream. Exactly. The yachts, the private jet, the money. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I Talk talking about that Yeah. Is like, you had more to say about what you learned from it than the experience itself. Mhmm. That was likely an experience that you at a certain point in time Exactly. Would have wanted. Like, this would this is my dream. Like, I am living my dream. And to be honest, like,

Nadi MossI got at that point what I wanted. I really, I really wanted at that moment to have this kind of life. I really like, oh, if I'm gonna live just like that. And but you know what? Be afraid of your wishes, because when you will get them, and I really was thinking I just want to have fun, I want to have this, I want to have that and of course doing drugs, but it's not a problem. But it became in the end it's even not the problem, it was another life experience. You know, nothing is the problem. Everything is just a beautiful challenge, I would say, you know, which shows you how far you can grow or you can stay. You can stay in this lifestyle, you know. But I decided to try a new experience.

It always was the choice. Really, when I decided to be sober, really was thinking just for the month and just an experience. But then I like it. I'm like, oh, let me do it again. Because at that experience I was eight years. I did drugs for eight years. You know, not every day, but for the last six months every day, right? But every weekend I did drugs. I got this! I already knew these people, I knew these places, I knew these DJs, I already know this music. I want something new, you know? So and at that point yes, I lived like a dream life, like really, like everyone just asking me: Oh, you probably can believe that you have that. I'm like: What do you mean? I knew that I'm gonna have this or nothing?

Like, you know, like I just was sure that I deserve it. And probably I did, you know, if I had this, but I already had this. Now I want something new, I want something different. And I will be honest with you, sometimes still I think, I just think, oh my life is not so much fun right now as was before, because before it was so much simulations, you know, Now my life is much more grounded, so calm, so peaceful. No these stimulations, no instigratification. But I'm in peace, you know. I can stay at home all weekend, read my books, watch movies, play with my cats, just like not doing anything, just go for the walk, go to sleep at 10PM.

Especially in the beginning I was thinking maybe I did something wrong? Like, you know, that's about what my book is about. Like, you know, it's staying staying with real you. Staying without any substances. Staying with all your real layers. Even with layers you didn't know that they exist. And this is very beautiful journey. Where do you see yourself during this year? What is your goals? What is your dreams? What you would like to achieve? During this year, 2026. Yeah. Correct. By the end of the this year where you see yourself?

What are you doing? Where are you?

Ben BeeriYou know, it's such an interesting one because I think about this a lot.

Nadi MossWould you like to share it? It's

Ben Beeriyou know, the nice thing I've learned is whether you'd like to share something or not doesn't really matter because the fact that the question comes up means it's meant to be put out into the world. Exactly. And whether I'd like to share or not really doesn't matter. The reality of situation is is I'm going to. And it's interesting. I've done different vision board exercises, different visualizations, different thoughts, different manifestations, different goals. 2026 is an interesting year for me because I'm now living this year as a 30 year old man.

My company that I started in 2016, Golden State Memorabilia, I will be turning 10 years old. Oh, congratulations. Congratulations. Thank you. Mhmm. And Golden State Memorabilia was my dream when I was a kid. Mhmm. And I thought it was incredible and really powerful for me to start that business when I did. Because when I was a kid, I would go to basketball games and I would collect autographs from players. And I did that and I loved it. And there was something so much deeper about the meaning of an autograph for me. Like, see Kobe Bryant Yes. On the wall. See. Mhmm. Or and you see, there's Taylor Swift. There's Quentin Tarantino right Taylor?

Mhmm. I know. Right? And and the thing for me about getting autographs when I was a kid, and I didn't know this then, but I know this now, is I was looking to connect to other human beings. Mhmm. I struggled with connection when I was a kid. And I couldn't really connect with my peers. I couldn't really connect with teachers. I couldn't connect with anyone really. But if you were famous, if you were an athlete, if you were a celebrity, a musician, and I had an opportunity to meet you and ask for an autograph, that was a form of human connection for me.

And the reason I admire these people, these athletes, these celebrities, musicians, and going and wanting to get their autographs for them, and this is the part I couldn't name then, but I understand now, is because they chased their dreams. Mhmm. They were in their authenticity. Right. Anybody who plays basketball in the NBA went after what was aligned for them and what they were meant to do in life and what they wanted to do in life, and they chased their dreams. And for me to be able to connect with those people when I was six years old, seven years old, eight years old, nine years old Mhmm.

It meant the world. And because I got to connect with them, I wanted to chase my dreams. And throughout all these years in my childhood, I kept going. I kept collecting autographs from players. I collected thousands of autographs. I met hundreds, if not thousands of thousands, not 100, thousands of different athletes, celebrities, musicians who get their autographs. That inspired me to go and chase my dreams Mhmm. Which was, how do I share that with people? Mhmm. How do I share that connection? How do I share that connection? Every autograph is a connection. We have a Kobe Bryant framed jersey on the wall. That's a connection to Kobe Bryant.

Kobe Bryant was such a powerful soul who lived on this earth and inspired so many people. Right. And I sit here and I look at this journey of having this dream and starting this business. Kinda like you're saying, not just starting, staying but staying in business for the last Right. Ten years. Twenty twenty six for me is about stepping into my next dream. And that is where I get to be the person who's chased my dreams Mhmm. Who gets to inspire the people who don't yet know that they wanna chase their dreams. Right. So the person who's that young six year old Ben, that young 13 year old Ben, young 16 year old Ben, the young 20 year old Ben who decided to chase his dream and start the business.

I get to be that person now who's saying, hey, I'm going to share about what my journey was like. Beautiful. So you can step into your journey and live in your authenticity

Nadi MossMhmm.

Ben BeeriAnd chase your dreams and ultimately live your most aligned life. And that's what I feel like my twenty twenty six is going to be,

Nadi Mossand I'm excited for it. I think it's very powerful and beautiful. And you do it great. You already inspire a lot of people, including me. So just keep going. Stay. Stay in this mode and keep doing that. You do it really very good.

Ben BeeriAmazing. Thank you, Nadi. You're welcome. What do you hope that somebody takes away from reading, staying, and hearing your story. Yeah.

Nadi MossI hope that people who will read this book, they will They will feel like oh I want to try it, you know, they get inspired. Let me try actually about what Nadi says in this book, because I also it's not just I'm sharing about my life experience, I'm sharing about all things that I did which helped me to stay, to quit and to stay in emotional sobriety, you know. And I really hope that when someone gonna read about that they will feel like: Okay, let me try. Because, you know, like that was the point that people will get inspired, will feel excited, they're like: Oh, that's interesting, let me try. You know, they will follow even maybe few of the things that I share, maybe not all of them. I'm talking about meditation there, I'm talking about my vision board, I'm talking about a lot of routine, you know, what I start doing which help me to stay.

And I still do all this routine every day: meditation, walks, all of them, all of them. So this is really only one hope that someone will get inspired to even not to change themselves, to come back to the real version of themselves.

Ben BeeriI love that. And where can our audience connect with you? And where can they pick up their copy of Staying and find out more about you and learn more about you? Right. So I just published this today.

Nadi MossIt's on my website, nadimos.com. And right on the first page, they can see that they can get this. It's a digital book, only 40 pages. To be honest, I even didn't think that it's gonna be a book. Yeah, I thought it's just gonna be like some PDF file with some tasks for people what they can do, but then when I start writing down, I'm like, wow, wait a second. I have so much to say. And then like five, ten, fifteen, twenty, and then it's just 40 pages. And so they can get it there. And I hope really someone will get inspired by that.

Ben BeeriI love that. I love that. Well, connect with Nadi on nadimas.com. Check out her book and really her guide for living a peaceful and fulfilled life. And emotional sobriety.

Nadi MossHow to stay in emotional sobriety. Yeah. Because sobriety is not just about the substances again. The first step is to quit, but the next one is to stay. To stay with your with real version of you. Yeah. That's awesome. That's awesome. Well, definitely check it out. And I really enjoyed having you on today, Nadi. It's I really enjoyed it too, Ben. Thank you so much. By the way, it's my first podcast one zero one in person. Thank you so much for this opportunity. Thank you for bringing me to this beautiful journey.

And,

Ben Beeriyeah, I wish you a big success with your podcast in the future. Thank you. Thank you. So great having you. Thank you. And if anything Nadi said today resonates with you, please share this episode with your friends. Leave us a like. Leave us a comment. Uh, we'd really appreciate it if you subscribed to our channel at The Authentic Journey podcast. I'm your host, Ben Beeri, and we'll see you on the next episode of The Authentic Journey.